Today I cried out
Moved by song of man and child.
I placed my head in my hands
But...
Failed to kneel.
I wept.
Warm heart rending tears flowed
Unchecked
Down face
Now papered thin by time.
Breathing mechanism forgotten
Until
It came in gasps
In gulps
Like one who drowning
Sucks in precious oxygen
Before nervous system shuts down for want of air.
I thought the pain passed.
The scars healed,
Ridged over on heart and wrist
And yet here...
Weeping,
Grief struck in magnitude of more than decade past.
What more do you want Lord?
What purpose for this life
That eases alone into age
Naïve fool that I was and am.
I have fought
I have prayed
I have given
But all for nought;
Unless...
There is more to be done
More wounds to be healed
More hands to be held
More words to be spoken
More love to be given
I can still give.
In this blink of time
The ethereal promises drape themselves Like ashen gossamer
Falling softly like widow's weeds
Around my shoulders.
I lean into them
Wanting, hoping, praying
That I have worth
That there is purpose
That my life
Is more than my parents' momentary mistake....
Despite it all.
Despite the loss.
Despite my mistakes.
I believe.
One day.
I will see
You will shake out a silken tapestry
Your Plan
Will unfold
Before my tear filled eyes.
I will see that stitch that was mine
That served Your glorious purpose.
But for now
I wait...
I wait...
I wait...
Tell me Lord - what plan do you have for me?
Child of Christ.
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