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Psalm 39

Today I cried out

Moved by song of man and child.

I placed my head in my hands


Failed to kneel.

I wept.

Warm heart rending tears flowed


Down face

Now papered thin by time.

Breathing mechanism forgotten


It came in gasps

In gulps

Like one who drowning

Sucks in precious oxygen

Before nervous system shuts down for want of air.

I thought the pain passed.

The scars healed,

Ridged over on heart and wrist

And yet here...


Grief struck in magnitude of more than decade past.

What more do you want Lord?

What purpose for this life

That eases alone into age

Naïve fool that I was and am.

I have fought

I have prayed

I have given

But all for nought;


There is more to be done

More wounds to be healed

More hands to be held

More words to be spoken

More love to be given

I can still give.

In this blink of time

The ethereal promises drape themselves Like ashen gossamer

Falling softly like widow's weeds

Around my shoulders.

I lean into them

Wanting, hoping, praying

That I have worth

That there is purpose

That my life

Is more than my parents' momentary mistake....

Despite it all.

Despite the loss.

Despite my mistakes.

I believe.

One day.

I will see

You will shake out a silken tapestry

Your Plan

Will unfold

Before my tear filled eyes.

I will see that stitch that was mine

That served Your glorious purpose.

But for now

I wait...

I wait...

I wait...

Tell me Lord - what plan do you have for me?

Child of Christ.

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